Am I In The Wrong? 7+ Signs That Indicate That You Are Indeed In The Wrong.
Posted: Monday, April 26, 2010
by Serge M Botans
Cattle Ramp Services
Following an altercation with my neighbour who essentially is wanting to promote his business at my expense, I decided to put together an article about how you can tell when you are in the wrong. These tell-tale signs apply to things you have done or things you have said.
1. If it is at someone's expense then you are in the wrong. That means that, for example, if you have fun at someone's expense, or you benefit at someone's expense then you are in the wrong.
3. If you resort to blaming someone else, then you are in the wrong. Human beings are very good at passing the blame on to others. The reason for that is that, if you don't accept responsibility for your doings, then you don't have to deal with the consequences eg. guilt, apology, restitution, and so on...
4. If you go on the defensive or the offensive, then you may be in the wrong. The reason for that is that both defensive and offensive are defense mechanism to 'prove our innocence' or convince the other person that we are not to blame. Whether you use defensive or offensive is very much dependent on your personality.
5. If you over-react, then you are in the wrong. Guilty people tend to over-react when confronted with their wrong doing.
6. If you have to turn the argument around and make yourself out to be the victim, then you are in the wrong.
7. If you belittle or ridicule someone else's thoughts and reactions, then you are in the wrong. This includes telling the other person things like 'grow up','you are such a child'.
8. If you bring up other unrelated issues then you are in the wrong. This includes bringing up unresolved issues, wrongs done to you, things that was said 10 or 20 years ago. It is a deflection mechanism.
If you are wanting to be a person of integrity and honour, then you must be willing to accept when you are in the wrong and then take appropriate actions to undo the damage done.
We are moral beings and there is a price to pay for refusing to accept when we are in the wrong. Consider the parent who blames the child rather than accept that they said something wrong.
To many people, refusing to accept being wrong is a power thing. They feel that by apologising they are losing power. But the reality is that by NOT apologising, they are showing the injured party a total lack of respect and they are communicating that the injured party is not a valuable person.
Let us resolve today to be people of integrity and accept when we are in the wrong.
Serge M Botans
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Top-level comments on this article: (1 total)Thanks for this article, Serge. I have to smile, I've caught myself doing those things a million times. I agree about your points, although I'd like to add that when we do those things it's because we ourselves need something, some kind of affirmation, some kind of love. I think we should be gentle with ourselves, and forgive ourselves for our mistakes. Reach out for the love that we need so that we can naturally behave with integrity towards others.hi jennifer,
thanks for your comment ... i agree that we need to be gentle with ourselves and that we need to forgive ourselves ... as long as this is a two way street ... it has been my experience that people who cannot accept that they have done something wrong are quick to come down on others who wrong them
the focus on the article is meant to be that, when we do any of the things mentioned, then we are in the wrong and hence should take appropriate action towards the wrongee out of respect for them and to convey to them that they are a valuable person worthy of our apology
cheers and thanks againserge
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